By Elisabeth Fayt, rnr Wellness Founder
A few weeks ago I was driving in the car, with a passenger who caught me off guard with a critical comment that cut me to the core. We’ve all been in this situation, where someone pushes our buttons. Well this exchange sent me into a quiet, sullen mood for the rest of the day (very uncharacteristic for me, as my usual nature is to be happy and cheerful always).
After analyzing what it was that made me feel so upset, I realized that what my companion had said, was true about me! And as a friend, he was helping me to become a better person. Perhaps he could have done it in a kinder way, but regardless, it was there for me to learn, and that was a gift. As a result, I’ve been working on myself in that regard since then, changing myself according to this timely counsel.
Another thing I learned through the exchange was the importance of practicing “Grace Under Pressure”.
How did I behave when I heard the words that pierced my heart at first? Well, let’s just say I would handle things differently now. But I know at the time, I was following limited “human nature” which operates with expectation like this. It’s easy to be kind to those who are kind to us. And it’s easy to love those who love us. But what about those who push our buttons or rub us the wrong way? How do we keep our cool in the moment?
Well, the first thing to do is to not to knee-jerk-respond. Take a mental time-out (even brief), draw in a deep breath and introspect. If someone has said something critical, ask yourself sincerely “Is this me? Is this something I need to change?” If so, then accept the messenger’s words as a gift, and work to silently change yourself. But what if it’s not me? Then look to the messenger as someone who is perhaps wounded inside and needs your love and understanding.
“WHEN YOU FINALLY LEARN THAT A PERSON’S BEHAVIOR HAS MORE TO DO WITH THEIR OWN INTERNAL STRUGGLE THAN IT EVER DID WITH YOU…..YOU LEARN GRACE.” unknown
From the book The Peaceful Warrior, by one of my favourite authors, Dan Millman, he says “There’s never nothing going on.” So remember that. Be compassionate with others. What others say to us defines them. How we respond defines us.
I like to use the analogy of an orange. When an orange is squeezed, what comes out? Fresh squeezed orange juice of course! So when we are squeezed, what comes out? Whatever is inside of us! Will it be defensiveness or resentment? Or will it be acceptance, humility, love and understanding? Who do we want to be? The choice is ours.
And there’s one thing for sure, life will present us with many opportunities to practice and perfect this. Just like when you miss a bus, there’s another one around the corner! So don’t beat yourself up if the last time someone pushed your buttons you didn’t practice Grace Under Pressure. There’s always next time. Bring it on!
Gracefully Yours,
