Q & A

It is said that the quality of our lives is the quality of our relationships. In this Q&A with long time RNR community member Karen, Elisabeth Fayt shares that no matter where we go, we take ourselves. Which may be the clue to bringing love into every relationship in our circle. 

Karen:  I’m in a long-term relationship, and you know how it is, loves fades and becomes mundane.. How can you make it come alive again? I want to feel like I did when we first met.

Elisabeth:   If you want more love in your life, you need to “intend” it. In the morning, my first words to my husband are: “I love you more today.”  This is a pre-pave which I share in my book Paving It Forward. When we pre-pave this, we set into motion the energy that creates an environment of greater love. You don’t even have to understand the why or how, just that this is a Universal Law and it works. When you pre-pave “more love”, more love is what you get. When you forget to start the day by intending love, you receive what is randomly coming to you by your past karma or from your wandering thoughts (which are more often than not, negative). So take charge of your relationship by pre-paving what you want. Try saying and feeling “I love you more today!” Even if you say it only internally, to your spouse, your child, your colleague, your friend or to yourself! And watch how this changes the energy of your life.

Karen: My spouse has a way of pushing my buttons and I find myself getting upset, which takes me in the opposite direction of feeling love for him. What can I do? I want to feel love, but find myself feeling deflated instead.

Elisabeth: You may or may not be surprised to hear this, but this is all about you, not him. And you’ve probably already heard this: that it’s not as important “what” happens to us, rather “how we respond”.  But l’m going to ask you to back up and dig a little deeper. The question you should ask yourself is “Why is that a button for me at all? Why does this bother me so much?” Often the first knee-jerk reaction when our feelings are hurt, is to want to change the other person. Our next tendency, if we are spiritually inclined, is to change how we react. Now I’m asking you to go beyond and seek to remove the sensitivity altogether! This takes courage and humility, but when you ask the “why” introspective questions above, you will begin a journey of self-discovery. The answers will come as you continue to introspect. Always look within. 

Karen:  I’m a positive person, but I find so many people around me are negative. Why is that, and how can I start to attract more positive people?

Elisabeth:  I love this question, because Universal Law clearly answers it. Whatever you see in another, you would not see, if it didn’t (to some degree) resonate within yourself. If you’ve been listening to my audios, or if you’ve read Paving It Forward, you will have learned that all of the thoughts we think surround us in a field of energy. This “egg” or energy that surrounds us is our vibration, which attracts to us other vibrations of like kind. Your vibration is your magnet. If you were truly a positively-charged powerful magnet, you would repel anyone that is negative. They would be inclined to go to a different part of the office, or house, or community. This is how energy works. And if your vibration is mediocre (meaning that you hold both positive and negative thoughts), then when you come into contact with a negative person, you are drained or deflated. It is Universal Law and not a surprise. So the goal is to fill your vibrational magnet with positive thoughts and become a super-charged powerful magnet that uplifts others or repels them away from you. That’s why I urge you to pre-pave positive thoughts all day! You will find that less and less negativity will be drawn to you. Remember, what you see in another, is a reflection back to you..

Karen:  So, you’re saying if I see something in another, that means I’m that way? 

Elisabeth:  When I say that what you see in another is a “mirror”, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are the same. It is a mirror back to you to “look” at yourself.  Introspect “Why am I seeing this?” I will reiterate though, that you couldn’t see it, if it didn’t resonate within you to some degree (big or small), so you’re not off the hook altogether, but most often it is an opportunity to look within and discover what it is trying to tell you.  

In a workshop, one of my students asked me “Whenever I go out to dinner, I always end up paying the bill. I’m overly generous, so why do I attract cheap people?”  To this I responded, “because you are pre-paving it! You said ‘I attract cheap people.’ Perhaps it happened once, then it became your expectation, which then became your reality! So watch what you are pre-paving and intending.

I’ll give another example, a personal one. Once I saw someone who I thought was behaving a little selfishly. I introspected “Am I selfish?” I thought to myself, “I don’t THINK I am, but I could always be more giving and loving”, so I thought “Well, today I am going to give more, love more, serve more.” And sure enough, a situation came to me that needed my intervention, service and love. Had I not experienced the above, I may have missed that opportunity to give of myself. So you see how the Divine works–always setting us up for success and service, if we are open to it. The answer is to always look within. Ask yourself those important introspective questions starting with “Why”. They will lead you to the answers you need!

Next blog post: 4 Powerful Ways To Bring More Love Into Your Life