By Jon Durant, marketing director rnr Wellness
So I am going to get right to the point. I absolutely hate needles. I loathe them with a passion. I dislike the idea of them going into my body. I can’t stand the almost gleeful expression the person administering them has on their face. I am not a fan of how they leave it in there for what feels like hours (I mean, give me a magazine next time to read). Yes, I know, for a guy who is 6’6”, 240lbs, whose mom is even a nurse, this all seems a bit ridiculous. But that’s the way it is. So deal with it.
Now. With all that said, there is something I hate even more than needles, and that’s pain. I’ll do almost whatever I can to avoid pain, as most of us do (we won’t talk about those who relish it, almost downright enjoy it). Pain & Jon are not friends but lately it’s been an unwelcome life-partner, mainly in my jaw.
I won’t bore you with the specific details, but long story short, I should have gotten braces as a teenager to fix a crossbite. My mother, the nurse, disliked orthodontists so much that we cheaped out and got an agonizing appliance instead that the dentist could create. In the end, my crossbite was fixed, but only for a couple years. Then it slowly, almost stealthy returned and my jaw attempted to quietly compensate for my misaligned bite and now, I am left with significant jaw discomfort and pain.
I had tried everything. Massage; medication; mocking mean, menacing men to punch me in the face thus breaking my jaw and getting healthcare to reset it (okay, that last one was a lie, but I have thought about it in my hours of extreme agony). Then, a friend suggested that I try acupuncture. A FRIEND suggested that I willingly lie on a bed and allow someone to puncture me with hundreds of tiny needles all over my face and body (can you guess how long this person stayed my friend?!)
In the end, it took some convincing, some research and an unfulfilled promise to god that I would do almost anything for the pain to go away without needles. The hatred of pain was greater than the hatred of needles and with the support of my friend (oh, you guessed wrong), I went to an acupuncturist.
Upon arrival, I impatiently paced around the waiting room. The receptionist, noticing my intrepidation, asked if I’d like to reschedule. She then mentioned the fee attached and my aversion for paying for unnecessary things clicked in and then needles didn’t seem so bad. My name was summoned by the torturest..sorry, the acupuncturist and I made my way to her chamber. She asked me to lie on the bed and that’s when I snapped.
“Nope. This is not for me. No no no no no. No!”
“Clearly, you are not comfortable with this process. Can I tell you a little about acupuncture and how I think it will help you?” she remarked.
“As long as you keep the needles where I can see them and they are a good arms length away from me, I’ll give you all the time in the world” I smirked back.
So. She sat there, needle-less and in a calm, reassuring voice, educated me all about acupuncture. She started with the history of the procedure and how it came from China. She regaled me with how it’s an ancient healing technique. She explained how it’s about balancing the flow of energy (or life force for those of us who love Star Wars) which she called “my chi”. This “chi” flows through the pathways or meridians of my body. And by inserting these needles into these pathways, the energy flow would then be re-balanced, which would then in-turn, take away the pain I was experiencing.
Okay. That seemed logical. Maybe a little “metaclorian-ish”, but I was willing to accept that. Just don’t use those needles. However she then started to list off the benefits of acupuncture and all the ailments it has been shown to improve, such as:
- Headache & migraines
- Chemotherapy-induced & postoperative nausea/vomiting
- Labour pain
- Lower back pain
- Neck pain
- Osteoarthritis
- Menstrual cramps
- Respiratory disorders
- Jaw & facial pain (I know, I was waiting for that one to come up…thats marketing)
The research was beginning to pile up. And I felt like I no longer had an excuse. I also remembered how I disliked pain (and unnecessary expenses) more than needles so I chose to lie back and put my body into her hands.
She slowly started to feel down my arms and legs, attempting to put me at ease. In my head, I could have thought about how I was about to become a human pincushion but instead, I chose to focus on the “Star Wars Life Force” thing. I thought, maybe after, I’ll finally be able to make people do what I want (to this day, still a lifelong dream). Then it happened, she started inserting the needles. With each one, I felt a little pinch. Some I felt a really big pinch, almost like a punch (where are those mean menacing men now). She kept inserting them, checking in with me as I winced a bit but told her to keep going.
“Life force rebalancing. Lifting things with my mind” I kept saying to myself.
She then stepped back and said she had finished. Now I had to lie there for 45 minutes, in the dark, with plinky-plunky music playing, attempting to relax and let the needles do their thing. So I did just that. Okay. I tried to do just that. I tried to think of anything else other than all the needles in my body. I even tried to do my taxes in my head but I couldn’t remember the new income ceiling for deductions and then, I was right back to all the needles digging into my body.
45 minutes seemed like forever. And still, no magazine. But then, it happened. I felt a rush of endorphins across my body, my skin began to tingle and warm up. Now, I didn’t see colours or hallucinate about being a fox in the forest (I may have been promised this) but I was definitely beginning to feel better.
Embracing the calm, I actually settled into the bed and began to fall asleep. Then the lights slowly came up and music stopped. She began to remove the needles from my body and noticing a bit of a smile on my face she asked,
“So, how do you feel?”
“Well son-of-a-…. I actually feel pretty good. You’re a sorceress” I proudly proclaimed.
“Yes I am. Feel free to tell others. And you’re going to feel even better as the day goes on as your energy continually re-balances” she said.
And do you know what, she was right. Throughout the rest of the day, the pain in my body, primarily in my jaw, began to dissipate and disappear. I could focus on living my life and not on the icepick normally digging into my temples. Now, while I didn’t have any new abilities, say those of a moderately skilled Jedi, I did see the light of acupuncture. I also realized that if acupuncture could do this, then what could other naturopath services do for my overall wellness?
Reference: https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/acupuncture/about/pac-20392763
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