Have you ever had a “Sliding Doors” moment? It’s that split second where life presents a fork in the road, and the path you choose changes everything that follows. Sometimes, that pivotal moment doesn’t come from a massive life choice, but from a simple conversation over coffee.
Many years ago, I found myself in exactly that spot. I was in a relationship, and my partner at the time had said something to me that stung. It wasn’t a relationship-ending fight, but it left a bruise on my heart. Needing to process it, I called a close friend and met her for coffee. I poured my heart out, sharing how I was feeling, what he said, yadda, yadda, yadda.
My friend, bless her, meant incredibly well. She wanted to protect me. But her advice took a sharp, negative turn. She looked at me and said, “How could he say that to you? He clearly doesn’t respect you.” Those words acted like a heavy stone dropped into still water. Instead of comforting me, they sent me into a downward spiral of doubt and resentment. I walked away from that coffee date armed with ammunition rather than peace, and as a result, my relationship took a serious, unnecessary dive.
The Alternate Timeline
Looking back, I often think about how differently things would have gone if that conversation had taken a different path.
What if she had said, “Give him the benefit of the doubt, Elisabeth. He probably has no idea how deeply that affected you.”? Or what if she had simply said, “Talk it out with him”?
Better yet, what if she had said absolutely nothing at all? If she had just listened, holding a safe, quiet space for me to vent, my own internal compass would have taken over. I would have calmed down, realized he was likely just having a bad day, and figured it out myself.
Spiral Upward or Downward?
That experience taught me a profound lesson about the immense power of the words we offer each other. When a friend trusts us with their vulnerability, we hold a piece of their reality in our hands.
August is the ultimate month for friendship. It’s the season when life slows down just enough for us to spend long, balmy evenings around a campfire, or lazy afternoons lingering in a cafe. The conversations flow easily, and inevitably, a friend will ask for your perspective on a problem.
Before you answer, I invite you to think twice. Ask yourself: Will this advice spiral her upward, or downward? If your words are going to fan the flames of anger or ego, change your approach. And when in doubt, there is always the beautiful, sacred, silent route.
The Answer Is Already Within
In my years as an author and speaker, so many people have come to me seeking advice. And do you want to know a secret? Quite often, by staying completely silent but deeply, lovingly attentive, they leave the conversation saying, “Thank you, Elisabeth! You totally solved my problem!” I didn’t solve anything. I just didn’t get in the way.
We are all spiritual beings, and we truly have the answers within us. We don’t need someone to fix our lives; we just need a safe mirror to help us see our own wisdom. Sharing a quiet moment with a true friend is the perfect environment to pull those answers out.
Creating a Sanctuary for Your Thoughts
If you find that your mind has been spiraling lately—perhaps because of a negative conversation or the chaotic noise of daily life—you can always choose a different “door.”
And remember to administer your own emotional first aid by once in a while removing yourself from the noise altogether. That’s why I’m such an advocate of the spa. When you lie on a treatment table, there’s no advice, no judgment and no noise. Only room for your nervous system to reset and for your inner voice to become the loudest voice in your head again.
We are all connected and we affect each other so greatly. So this August, let’s focus on protecting our friends’ peace as fiercely as we protect our own. Be the friend who listens, who gives the benefit of the doubt, and who helps others spiral upward.
Yours in wellness,
Elisabeth